%
I will not waste chalk.
%
I will not skateboard in the halls.
%
I will not burp in class.
%
I will not instigate revolution.
%
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
%
I did not see Elvis.
%
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
%
Garlic gum is not funny.
%
They are laughing at me, not with me.
%
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
%
I will not encourage others to fly.
%
Tar is not a plaything.
%
I will not Xerox my butt.
%
It's potato, not potatoe.
%
I will not trade pants with others.
%
I am not a 32 year old woman
%
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
%
I will not drive the principal's car.
%
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
%
I will not sell school property.
%
I will not cut corners.
%
I will not get very far with this attitude.
%
I will not make flatulent noises in class.
%
I will not belch the national anthem.
%
I will not sell land in Florida.
%
I will not sell school property.Same as Bart Gets Hit by a Car
%
I will not grease the monkey bars.
%
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
%
I will not do anything bad ever again.
%
I will not show off.
%
I will not sleep through my education.
%
I am not a dentist.
%
Spitwads are not free speech.
%
Nobody likes sun burn slappers.
%
High explosives and school don't mix.
%
I will not squeak chalk.
%
I will finish what I sta
%
%
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
%
I will not fake rabies.
%
Underwear should be worn on the inside.
%
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
%
I will not torment the emotionally frail.
%
I will not carve gods.
%
I will not spank others.
%
I will not aim for the head.
%
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
%
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
%
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
%
Funny noises are not funny.
%
I will not spin the turtle.
%
I will not snap bras.
%
I will not fake seizures.
%
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
%
My name is not "Dr. Death".
%
I will not defame New Orleans.
%
I will not prescribe medication.
%
I will not bury the new kid.
%
I will not teach others to fly.
%
I will not bring sheep to class.
%
A burp is not an answer.
%
Teacher is not a leper.
%
Coffee is not for kids.
%
I will not eat things for money.
%
I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call.
%
The principal's toupée is not a frisbee.
%
I will not call the principal "spud head".
%
Goldfish don't bounce.
%
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
%
No one is interested in my underpants.
%
I will not sell miracle cures.
%
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
%
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
%
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
%
I will never win an Emmy.
%
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
%
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
%
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
%
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
%
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
%
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
%
I am not delightfully saucy.
%
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
%
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
%
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
%
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
%
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
%
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
%
Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
%
No one is interested in my underpants.
%
I will not use abbrev.
%
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
%
I will not send lard through the mail.
%
I will not dissect things unless instructed.
%
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
%
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
%
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.
%
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal.
%
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
%
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
%
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
%
I will not hang donuts on my person.
%
I will remember to take my medication.
%
I will not strut around like I own the place.
%
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
%
I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
%
Nerve gas is not a toy.
%
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.
%
The First Amendment does not cover burping.
%
This is not a clue... or is it?
%
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it.
%
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
%
No one wants to hear from my armpits.
%
I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
%
The boys' room is not a water park.
%
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
%
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
%
I will only do this once a year.
%
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
%
I am not certified to remove asbestos.
%
I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten.
%
I am not my long-lost twin.
%
The truth is not out there.
%
I am not licensed to do anything.
%
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac.
%
A fire drill does not demand a fire.
%
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten.
%
I no longer want my MTV.
%
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story.
%
I did not invent Irish dancing.
%
I will not tease Fatty.
%
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus".
%
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related.
%
Shooting paintballs is not an art form.
%
Pain is not the cleanser.
%
Silly string is not a nasal spray.
%
I was told not to do this.
%
My butt does not deserve a website.
%
I will not demand what I'm worth.
%
I will not mess with the opening credits.
%
I am not the new Dalai Lama.
%
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer."
%
I will not file frivolous lawsuits.
%
"butt.com" is not my e-mail address.
%
No one cares what my definition of "is" is.
%
I will not scream for ice cream.
%
I am not a licensed hairstylist.
%
"The President did it" is not an excuse.
%
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld.
%
Sherri does not "got back".
%
I will not do "the dirty bird."
%
No one wants to hear about my sciatica.
%
Hillbillies are people too.
%
Grammar is not a time of waste.
%
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
%
It does not suck to be you.
%
I cannot absolve sins.
%
A trained ape could not teach gym.
%
Loose teeth don't need my help.
%
I have neither been there nor done that.
%
No one wants to hear from my armpits.
%
I'm so very tired.
%
Fridays are not "pants optional".
%
Pork is not a verb.
%
I am not the last Don.
%
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize.
%
I won't not use no double negatives.
%
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
%
I can't see dead people.
%
I will not sell my kidney on eBay.
%
I will not create art from dung.
%
I will stop phoning it in.
%
Class clown is not a paid position.
%
Substitute teachers are not scabs.
%
My suspension was not "mutual".
%
A belch is not an oral report.
%
Dodgeball stops at the gym door.
%
Non-flammable is not a challenge.
%
I was not touched "there" by an angel.
%
I am not here on a fartball scholarship.
%
I will not dance on anyone's grave.
%
I cannot hire a substitute student.
%
I will not obey the voices in my head.
%
I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs.
%
I will not surprise the incontinent.
%
I am not the acting president.
%
I was not the sixth Beatle.
%
I will only provide a urine sample when asked.
%
The nurse is not dealing.
%
Science class should not end in tragedy.
%
Network TV is not dead.
%
I will not "let the dogs out".
%
I will not hide the teacher's medication.
%
I will not publish the principal's credit report.
%
The hamster did not have a "full life".
%
I will not buy a presidential pardon.
%
"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap.
%
I will not scare the vice president.
%
I will not flush evidence.
%
Fire is not the cleanser.
%
Genetics is not an excuse.
%
Today is not Mothra's Day.
%
I should not be twenty-one by now.
%
Nobody reads these anymore.
%
A burp in a jar is not a science project.
%
Fun does not have a size.
%
I am not Charlie Brown on acid.
%
I do not have a cereal named after me.
%
I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers. (reference to his Butterfinger commercials and how, after a blatant jab two episodes earlier, the ads had been canceled)
%
The Giving Tree is not a chump.
%
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project.
%
Vampire is not a career choice.
%
I will never lie about being cancelled again.
%
Fish do not like coffee.
%
Milhouse did not test cootie positive.
%
This school does not need a "regime change".(reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq)
%
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive.
%
I will not
%
My pen is not a booger launcher.
%
Sandwiches should not contain sand.
%
Over forty & single is not funny.
%
I will not speculate on how hot my teacher used to be.
%
Poking a dead raccoon is not research.
%
Beer in a milk carton is not milk.
%
A booger is not a bookmark.
%
Does any kid still do this anymore?
%
I am not smarter than the president.
%
Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual.
%
I will not laminate dog doo.
%
I will not flip the classroom upside down.
%
I will not leak the plot of the movie.
%
Je ne parle pas français.
%
Have a great summer, everyone.
%
We are not all naked under our clothes.
%
Frankincense is not a monster.
%
Global warming did not eat my homework.
%
I will not look up what teacher makes.
%
Pearls are not oyster barf.
%
I will not illegally download this movie.
%
I will not wait 20 years to make another movie.
%
The Wall Street Journal is better than ever.
%
I am not an FDIC-insured bank.
%
There is no such thing as an iPoddy.
%
The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens.
%
The capital of Montana is not "Hannah".
%
Teacher did not pay too much for her condo.
%
The art teacher is fat, not pregnant.
%
A person's a person, no matter how Ralph.
%
This punishment is not medieval.
%
Teacher's diet is working.
%
There is no such month as Rocktober.
%
I did not see my teacher siphoning gas.
%
Prosperity is just around the corner.
%
Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas.
%
I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard.
%
HDTV is worth every cent.
%
"March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school.
%
I will not have fun with educational toys.
%
Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks.
%
My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds.
%
I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone.
%
I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy.
%
It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook'.
%
The class hamster isn't just sleeping.
%
Chalkboarding is not torture.
%
I am not allergic to long division.
%
I do not have the hots for my mom.
%
Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass.
%
Teachers' unions are not ruining this country.
%
The world may end in 2012, but this show won't.
%
World War II could not beat up World War I.
%
Hot dogs are not bookmarks.
%
This counts as gym and art class.
%
South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared.
%
Je ne suis pas français
%
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present.
%
Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt.
%
End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us.
%
When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio.
%
I did not see teacher applying for welfare.
%
I must not write all over the walls.
%
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is as good as A Charlie Brown Christmas.
%
Candy canes are not elf bones.
%
January is not Bart History Month.
%
Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King.
%
I will not make fun of Cupid's dink.
%
I'm not here on a Spitball scholar.
%
"Daylight Savings” is not a failed bank.
%
I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket.
%
I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother".
%
Guinea pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs".
%
It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election.
%
It's November 6th -- How come we're not airing a Halloween show?
%
"Caucus" is not a dirty word.
%
Cafeteria trays are not toboggans.
%
Tintin did not suck suck.
%
We do need no education.
%
There's no proven link between raisins and boogers.
%
I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart.
%
Bart's earned a day off.
%
The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours.
%
Call your mother during the commercials.
%
I will not wear white after Labor Day.
%
I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission.
%
I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in.
%
20 more shoplifting days till Christmas.
%
The teacher did not get fat during the holidays.
%
I will obey Oscar campaign rules from now on.
%
I wasn't nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word".
%
I will not tweet as the principal's toilet.
%
I'm sorry I broke the blackboard.
%
Jesus' last words were not 'TGIF'.
%
This school is not falling apart.
%
25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment.
%
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
%
We'll really miss you, Mrs. K.
%
My school schedule does not include a bye week.
%
Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember.
%
I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom.
%
I will not call my teacher 'Prancer' and 'Vixen'.
%
Judas Priest is not 'death metal'.
%
If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying.
%
My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's.
%
April showers do not bring Matt Lauers.
%
You can't play April Fools jokes on April 27th.
%
Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my dad doesn't die.
%
Reindeer meat does not taste like chicken.
%
Snowmen don't have carrot penises.
%
Pixel art is not real art.
%
I will not pay my sister to do my punishment.
%
I will not fight the future.
%
Hershey Kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt.
%
If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything.
%
Never lose a bet to Bart Simpson.
%
Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon.
%
Dirty clothes are not a Mother's day gift.
%
Milhouse does not live below the puberty line.
%
This arm needs Tommy John surgery.
%
I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in.
%
The first episode of the second 600.
%
Being right sucks.
%
I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping.
%
If we're so good at predicting, how come my dad bet on Atlanta?
%
We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up.
%
Studying is not 'appropriating nerd culture'.
%
I did nothing wrong this week.
%
Thank you for 28 great years...Taylor Swift.
%
It's unfair to judge a president on his first 300 days.
%
Hooligan is not a profession.
%
I will not ask my guidance counselor why he couldn't get a better job.
%
We do not live in our own pee.
%
Snow angels are not frozen hobos.
%
Strangling is not an effective parenting tool.
%
This is the last episode.
%
April showers do not date the President.
%
I will not bet with Bart on the Final Four.
%
I will not order pregnant rats
%
My pre-Christmas behavior really helps the coal industry
%
The fat man who works one night a year is my dad
%
My new year's resolution was to quit school
%
Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion
%
I am not a grandmother
%
I will not write "audit please" on Homer's tax return.
%
I will not shirk my responsibilities.
%
Daylight savings isn't something I can spend
%
Idle hands are the Devil's tools
%
Teacher spent new year's eve at home by choice
%
Bart is at a Doctor's appointment
%
School online
%
I must not write on mountain
%
How did the boy get me to do this?
%
